Chapter 113: A Visit to the Confucian Academy (4000 words, two chapters combined)

"Boom..."
"Boom-boom!"
"Boom-boom-boom!"
On a vast, flat expanse to the east of the Sun and Moon Sect, explosions echoed incessantly.

The proprietress of a nearby teahouse, a lion-demon, finally reached her limit. She let out a roar akin to a lion’s mighty bellow toward the direction of the blasts: "Are you trying to kill me? People are trying to run a business here!"

Alas... the proprietress’s voice was promptly swallowed by the thunderous explosions.

...

"I told you already, the C4 Brother Jiang described isn't like this! Why won't you ever listen?"

Behind a barricade not far from the clearing, a man wearing a Level 3 helmet took it off and spat out a mouthful of sand. He was less of a "man" and more of a mechanical puppet, resembling a toy robot with a synthesized, though heavily accented, voice.

"You don't understand! What I pursue is eternal art! Explosion is art! Ah... just like the Black Dragon, appearing and disappearing at will, much like the bloodline of the Black Dragon within me! Ah!!! My eyes! They seem to pierce through the truths of this world!"

The remotely controlled robot rolled its eyes at him: "What an absolute moron!"

"Xiao Hei! Do not insult my art!"

"I’m insulting *you*!"

Xiao Hei, controlling the robot from an unknown location, finally snapped. He steered the robot to smack the back of the man's head. No one had ever seen the real Xiao Hei, nor heard his true voice; even when running errands, he operated this robot that looked like a toy toy. Of course, Xiao Hei had more than just this one. Based on the concept drawings provided by Jiang Lin, others had seen "Doraemon Xiao Hei," "Miniature Gundam Xiao Hei," "MetalGarurumon Xiao Hei," and "Pikachu Xiao Hei"... Even when he needed to go out, Xiao Hei let the robots do it while he remotely operated them from his house.

"Brother Jiang is right! You are just suffering from eighth-grader syndrome! What 'Tai-Er True Lord'! You should just call yourself 'Chuunibyou True Lord'!"

"Xiao Hei! If you slap my head one more time, believe me, I will turn on you!"

As he spoke, Tai-Er True Lord raised his right hand, which was wrapped in layer upon layer of bandages. "I’m telling you! The ancient, primeval power within me is about to go out of control! And this Evil King’s Eye of mine! Ah! I hear it! It’s restless!"

"I’ll give you something restless, you idiot!"

Xiao Hei couldn't take it anymore. He controlled the "toy robot" to toss aside its helmet, stand up, and proceed to kick the living daylights out of Tai-Er True Lord.

"Ah! Damn it! Didn't you hear what Brother Jiang said? Don't hit the face! Don't kick the crotch! Ah! Holy cow! Ah!"

"I'm kicking your crotch on purpose! It’s just an improved C4! This is the ninety-ninth failure! Ninety-ninth! Do you have any idea how many materials I have? I can't take it anymore! I’m going to kill you!"

"Xiao Hei! If you keep hitting me, my bloodline will truly erupt! Be careful, or you'll be devoured by the Black Flame Dragon within me!"

"Ha! You think I'm scared? If there were other Legalist cultivators in our sect, do you think I’d be asking for your help?!"

"Xiao Hei! You can question my integrity, but you cannot question my technique!"

Suddenly, Tai-Er True Lord stood up. With an eyepatch over his left eye, his left hand bandaged, and his messy, "non-mainstream" bangs, he looked like a terminal case of middle-school syndrome. Especially that tattered black cape—he was, quite literally, a late-stage patient of the condition.

"Your technique! I'll... your technique! I told you to shrink the explosion array, to concentrate it! You keep making it bigger! Technique! I..."

"Uncle Tai-Er, Uncle Xiao Hei..."

Just as Xiao Hei rolled up his sleeves to pin Tai-Er True Lord to the ground, a middle-aged man in a green robe flew in on the wind from the sky nearby, carrying a small, adorable young dragon girl. The little dragon girl waved her short, chubby hands, her large, sparkling eyes filled with joy as she greeted the two on the clearing.

Hearing her voice, Xiao Hei quickly retreated, brushed the dust off his body, and smoothed out his hair—though, as he did so, he realized he was controlling a puppet and had no hair. Similarly, Tai-Er True Lord flipped his bangs and adjusted his eyepatch.

The little dragon girl landed slowly, walking toward them with her short legs, "pitter-patter." She happily took two sheets of paper from her small backpack, lifted her head, and handed them to the two men.

"This is the calligraphy I practiced today. It’s for Uncle Xiao Hei and Uncle Tai-Er."

Tai-Er smiled happily. "Oh my, how can we accept this? Thank you, Niannian."

"But... I didn't write them very well..." Little Niannian lowered her head, poking her index fingers together, looking a bit insecure.

Xiao Hei and Tai-Er True Lord squatted down and gently unfolded the papers.

"Not at all, Niannian wrote them very beautifully."

"That’s right, Niannian’s characters have spirit, just as cute as little Niannian herself."

"Really?" Little Niannian raised her head, her eyes shining with joy as she looked at her two uncles.

"Really, really." Xiao Hei patted Niannian’s head and pulled a small ball from his stomach. "Since Niannian gave Uncle your calligraphy, Uncle will give you a little gift. This is a starry sky ball. Place it in your room, and as long as you press it, it will show you a beautiful starry sky."

Niannian hugged the ball with her little hands, her small tail swaying happily. "Thank you, Uncle."

"I have a little gift for you, too." Tai-Er True Lord pulled a Bagua diagram from his robes. Since Niannian’s hands were full, he tucked the 400-square-centimeter diagram into her small backpack. "This is a small puzzle. If you feel a bit bored at home, you can put it together."

Little Niannian’s eyes crinkled into crescent moons. "Thank you, Uncle."

"You two are as energetic as ever." Kong Baba stepped forward and bowed.

Xiao Hei the toy robot returned the salute. "Mr. Kong, why are you the one bringing Niannian home today? Isn't it usually Sister Jiang who picks her up?"

"Oh, the school had a spring outing today and let out early, so I brought the students home myself. Besides, I happened to have some business to discuss at the Twin Pearl Peak."

Tai-Er True Lord patted Kong Baba on the shoulder. "It’s not for me to say, but I don't know why Jiang Lin sent Niannian to you to learn Confucianism. Your school is too unconventional. Besides the Four Books and Five Classics, I hear you teach all sorts of things from the Hundred Schools of Thought—you even teach cooking! Isn't there a saying, 'The gentleman keeps away from the kitchen'? Aren't you afraid your Confucian patriarch will be angered to death?"

"Eh, Brother Tai-Er, that’s where you’re mistaken." Kong Baba waved his hands. "The teachings of the Hundred Schools each have their own merits. While Confucianism is good, it has its dross. Only by exploring widely and synthesizing them can one better understand Confucian teachings. We scholars value..."

"Wait... I don't want to hear it." Xiao Hei waved his hand and patted little Niannian’s head. "Niannian, if you're bored, you can come over to Uncle’s place to play. Uncle has lots of toys here."

"Mm-hmm." Little Niannian nodded, her bright eyes blinking. Back at his house, Xiao Hei silently wiped his nose—he seemed to have a nosebleed...

"Niannian, you can come to my place too. Uncle’s Flame Dragon power seems to be awakening lately. The essence of the world will be revealed to me, and little Niannian shall be the successor to the Flame Dragon power!"

"Emmm..." Little Niannian lowered her little head, furrowing her brow adorably, trying her best to understand Uncle Tai-Er’s words but failing. Finally, she decided to give up. "Uncle Tai-Er, Niannian doesn't understand."

"Well..." Tai-Er patted Niannian’s head. "It just means Uncle has delicious snacks at home, and Niannian can come over to eat anytime."

"Snacks? Niannian loves snacks the most." Niannian’s eyes blinked. "Eh? Uncle Tai-Er, why are you bleeding from your nose?"

Tai-Er True Lord touched his nose. "It’s nothing... perhaps the seal on my wild left hand is weak. It’s no bother."

"Alright, Niannian, let’s go. You can play with your two uncles next time."

"Okay." Little Niannian ran to Kong Baba’s side. A gentle breeze brushed past their feet, and they slowly rose into the air. "Goodbye, Uncle Xiao Hei! Goodbye, Uncle Tai-Er!"

"Goodbye, Niannian! Remember to come and play next time!"

Xiao Hei and Tai-Er True Lord waved incessantly at her. Until Niannian disappeared into the distant sky, the two looked at each other, and then immediately started bickering again...

"You only gave her a crappy ball, aren't you ashamed of yourself!"

"You idiot, that crappy diagram of yours has been around for years! It’s practically moldy!"

"That diagram of mine can invert the sun and moon and summon the stars! How is it moldy? This Black Flame Dragon King is going to act for heaven today!"

"Act for your mother! That ball is my masterpiece from the last ten years! You don't know anything!"

"Xiao Hei! This Black Flame Dragon has tolerated you for a long time!"

"You total Chuunibyou! You think I’m afraid of you?!"

"This Black Flame Dragon will destroy you!"

"You actually dared to use fire on my robot! Ten million volts!"

"Ah!!!!"

On the clearing, the two were locked in their daily brawl. Just as they were about to engage in another round of fisticuffs, a flying sword cut through the sky and whistled toward them!

*Whoosh!*

The flying sword hovered before them, and its voice system played automatically:

[Express Sword, please sign for Tai-Er True Lord. Sender: "Chunfeng Pavilion - 20% off tonight." Original sender: "Born Handsome."]

"Hm? Brother Jiang’s express delivery? Stop fighting! It must be Brother Jiang needing this Flame Dragon to save the world!"

Tai-Er True Lord dusted himself off and performed a few flashy, middle-school-syndrome poses that made Xiao Hei’s eye twitch. "Ah! My Black Flame power! Shine forth! Go! The primeval power within me!"

Then... a wisp of black spiritual energy from his fingertip slowly entered the sword.

"Spiritual energy verification successful. Delivery signed."

With a *clatter*, the message sword dropped from the air. Tai-Er True Lord caught it just in time and opened its spiritual aperture. Inside was a letter.

...

"Mom, Niannian is back."

"Niannian, Mommy missed you so much."

At the top of the Twin Pearl Peak of the Sun and Moon Sect, as soon as little Niannian touched down, she saw her mother hanging laundry. She opened her little arms and ran toward her mother on short legs.

"Niannian, why are you back so early today?" Jiang Yuni hugged the little girl and rubbed her cheek against Niannian’s soft face.

"Spring outing today, school let out early." Niannian happily took a folded piece of rice paper from her bag. "This is the calligraphy Niannian wrote, a gift for Mommy."

"Niannian’s calligraphy is truly beautiful." Jiang Yuni kissed Niannian on the forehead, and the "mother and daughter" both squinted their eyes into happy crescent moons.

"Peak Master Jiang." Kong Baba bowed in the distance.

"Niannian, go back to your room and rest. I have some honey I just snatched, it’s iced and very delicious."

"Okay, then Niannian will go back to her room to do her homework."

"Such a good girl." After another kiss, Jiang Yuni gently set her down.

Once Niannian returned to her room, Kong Baba bowed again. "Congratulations to the Sect Master for entering the mid-stage of the Jade Purity Realm."

"Thank you, Mr. Kong."

Although Jiang Yuni’s appearance hadn't changed, her expression and tone were a bit colder. Yet, despite the chill, there was no hostility; on the contrary, Jiang Yuni held a certain respect for this scholar. Confucianism was the head of the Hundred Schools, and there were many scholars and gentlemen, but among them, how many were fake scholars and hypocrites?

But this man before her—even though he had been expelled by the world’s Confucian Academies, even though he liked to look at beauties on the street with Xiao Lin, and even had some unspeakable dealings with him... in Jiang Yuni’s eyes, and in the eyes of all the Sun and Moon Sect cultivators, this unconventional scholar was the only real "learned man." Otherwise, Xiao Lin wouldn't have entrusted Niannian to his school, and Xiao Hei and Tai-Er True Lord wouldn't address him as "Sir." Or rather, aside from this oddly named Kong Baba, for the other Confucian scholars, even the most renowned elder in the world, Xiao Hei and the others would at most call him an "old scholar" without adding the title "Sir."

"Hahaha, the title 'Sir' feels like an undeserved honor; I’ve already been expelled from my own academy." Kong Baba scratched his head and laughed. "I still prefer it when people call me by my name."

"You jest, Sir."

"Cough, cough." Feeling a sword intent emerging, Kong Baba quickly composed himself. "Actually, I came here today because I have a small favor to ask of Brother Jiang."

"You need Xiao Lin’s help?" Jiang Yuni’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. "When Xiao Lin returns, can't you just tell him yourself?"

"Well... if I told Brother Jiang directly, he would certainly help, but I’m worried about your side..." Kong Baba sounded a bit troubled. What kind of friendship did he have with Brother Jiang? They were partners in studying "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" together! But the problem was, even if Brother Jiang agreed, if you didn't allow it, it would be difficult. This reminded Kong Baba of the time he invited Brother Jiang to climb the tallest tree near the women’s bathhouse to look at the moon. Brother Jiang agreed and came out that night, but the next day, he received a letter from the Mission Hall demanding that his annual performance quota be doubled... So, even if Brother Jiang agreed, if you were unhappy, Sect Master, what if you made things difficult for me?

"What favor do you need from Xiao Lin? Please speak, Sir." Jiang Yuni’s tone deepened.

Though he was sweating, Kong Baba bowed and spoke earnestly: "I humbly request the Sect Master’s permission to let Brother Jiang accompany me back to the Confucian Academy for a visit."

...

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