Chapter Eight: Is There Not a Single Sane Person Here?

Dating spirits—

On the surface, this seems like a dream job, but in truth, it’s fraught with peril. Spirits are anything but easy to get along with; each one is a mercurial problem child, quick to torment anyone foolish enough to let their guard down. So, those envious of the protagonist’s grand harem and the multitude of beauties at his side can keep quiet. Without the protagonist’s divine protection, managing a peaceful harem is all but impossible—what awaits you is the same fate as Makoto, who met his end at the hands of a cleaver.

Yet, when you consider that every spirit is an explosively adorable beauty—whether it’s the loli, the mature lady, the airheaded glutton, the diva with a twisted heart, or the enigmatic twins—there’s bound to be one to your taste. Even Su Mo’s indifferent heart fluttered a few times.

Stop acting like Shido!

Pulling his thoughts back, Su Mo raised his head to look at Kotori and asked, “Why did you choose me?”

This mission was supposed to be handled by the original protagonist, Shido Itsuka. After Mio recreated him, he too became a spirit—gaining the ability to seal the powers of other spirits with a kiss, and to use their abilities himself. But now, with Shido transformed into Shiori, Su Mo wasn’t sure if Shiori still possessed those powers.

Besides, the idea of sending a woman to romance spirits and go on dates with them was nothing short of an eyesore. With the possible exception of Miku Izayoi, the other spirits all seemed to have perfectly ordinary preferences.

Kotori quickly answered Su Mo’s question.

“Because you’re special,” Kotori replied matter-of-factly, her gaze boring deeply into Su Mo as she murmured almost inaudibly, “Five years ago, you were able to seal the spirit power within me. That means you can do it again today.”

That was the reason Kotori had brought Su Mo here.

This explanation did little to satisfy Su Mo. In truth, he was utterly at a loss; the plot had gone off the rails, and he had somehow become the leading man destined to date spirits.

But he possessed none of Shido’s abilities. Even if he did go on dates, he would have no way to seal a spirit’s powers.

So what was the point of these dates?

“Anyway, your task is simple: go on dates with the spirits and let them experience the beauty of this world. Isn’t there a saying that when people fall in love, the world becomes a brighter place? By letting the spirits fall in love, we hope to dispel their hostility toward humanity and prevent further spacequakes.” Kotori reached into her pocket and pulled out an exquisitely wrapped box, filled with jeweled candy sticks—a miniature candy house.

After picking one and popping it into her mouth, Kotori continued, “As for us, Ratatoskr, our mission is to assist you in winning over the spirits—in short, we’re your spirit conquest task force.”

“Help me with dating?” Su Mo’s mouth twitched. Anyone familiar with the original story knew just how unreliable such help could be. Not to mention, he already knew the plot inside and out and had no need for Kotori and her team’s assistance. So he declined flatly, “Forget it. If I have to romance the spirits, I can handle it myself. Besides, Kotori, you’ve never been in love, have you? How can someone so clueless about romance help me woo anyone?”

“Who says you can’t offer advice just because you’ve never been in love? Besides, my dear brother has no romantic experience whatsoever, yet Ratatoskr boasts a crew brimming with seasoned veterans who can provide guidance on every conceivable technique.” Kotori spun on her heel, clapping her hands and gesturing to the crew members stationed at the control consoles.

“For example, this gentleman here.” Kotori pointed to a middle-aged man in a suit below the bridge. “Kawagoe, the romance master with five marriages under his belt—nicknamed ‘Quick to Grow Bored’—can teach you plenty of tricks.”

“So this guy has been divorced four times? And his nickname is ‘Quick to Grow Bored’? Doesn’t that just mean he’s fickle and gets tired of women easily? How am I supposed to trust someone like that to help me win over spirits?” Su Mo latched onto the key point, unable to hold back his sarcasm.

Kotori’s expression froze for a moment, but she refused to give up and pointed to another crew member. “What about this one—President Chihon, the most popular man in the nightclubs?”

“President?” Su Mo gave him a quick once-over—a balding man in the midst of a midlife crisis, with only a few stubborn tufts of hair left. This man was well past his expiration date—what woman could possibly take a fancy to him?

But considering his title, Su Mo asked, “So he’s rich? Maybe those girls in the clubs only flock to him for his money, not for who he is.”

These days, you’re either loaded or a billionaire. If you have money, someone will always call you ‘daddy,’ no matter what you look like.

Kotori’s brows furrowed into a sharp line as she turned to a long-haired, gloomy woman with her head bowed. “And this is Ms. Shiizaki, known as the ‘Straw Doll.’ Her rivals in love have all met with misfortune; people call her the ‘Witching Hour Woman of 2 AM.’”

Su Mo drew in a sharp breath. “Do you have a phone here? I’d like to call the police.”

The moniker ‘Straw Doll’ brought to mind a practitioner of curses. If all her rivals had come to harm, that could hardly be a coincidence—she was probably behind it. And a woman who lurks about at two in the morning, stalking others, is either deeply twisted or outright deranged.

She didn’t seem remotely normal. No wonder her expression was so dark; she must carry some deep psychological shadows.

“And here we have Mr. Nakatsugawa, the man who claims to have a hundred wives.” Kotori clenched her fists, glaring at Su Mo as if to execute him on the spot.

But Su Mo, unfazed by her pressure, continued, “A hundred wives? That’s just absurd. And while Mr. Nakatsugawa might look normal at first glance, as a fellow otaku, I can tell at a glance that you’re just a hopeless shut-in. I bet your ‘hundred wives’ are just figurines, aren’t they?”

“How did you know?” Nakatsugawa blurted out in shock.

Impossible—do I really look that much like a hopeless otaku?

Su Mo’s lips curled into a knowing smirk. “Heh.”

“Don’t get cocky. We still have one last member.” Kotori pointed to another. “Ms. Minowa, the most passionate woman in Ratatoskr—her love is so intense she’s under a restraining order and can’t approach the one she loves.”

“So I really need to call the police. This is clearly a domestic abuser. That’s probably why she’s forbidden from approaching men.” Su Mo mercilessly pointed out her flaws and added, “Why are all your subordinates such weirdos, Kotori? Isn’t there a single normal person among them?”

Wait—maybe there really isn’t a single normal person in all of Ratatoskr.

Take a look around: a bunch of oddballs, from violent maniacs to hopeless otaku, sleazy men, green tea girls, and even Kyohei Kannazuki, the masochist. The only one who seemed remotely normal—Kotori herself—was a split personality case.

Heavens, this was the team assigned to help him conquer spirits.

Su Mo couldn’t help but wonder how the original protagonist managed to survive with such a crew of misfits as allies. It was nothing short of a miracle.

(Please recommend and bookmark! If you’re reading during the new release period, cast all your votes for Crown Prince!)